A Rapid Week of Rage: Fast Five

Rapid-Rage-5

To celebrate the release of Furious 7 this Easter weekend, each night, I’ll watch one Fast & Furious movie and report on my findings. Join me as I follow our valiant illegal drag-racers as they tokyo drift across the various speed bumps and barricades life throws at them. Last night, I witnessed the movie that brings (almost) the whole gang back together and adds Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson to the hi-octane stew, Fast Five.

What happens:

Whereas Point Break was clearly the inspiration for most of the previous Fast & Furious films – with the exception of Tokyo Drift, which is the spiritual child of dance films – Fast Five is more like a car-based Ocean’s 11. Fast Five picks up exactly where Fast & Furious ended, with Dominic Toretto (Vin Diesel) on a bus headed to prison, and his old pal Brian O’Conner (Paul Walker), his sister Mia (Jordana Brewster), and associates Leo and Santos (Tego Calderon and Don Omar, who I think have new names?), zipping down the freeway, about to stage a death-defying escape. And death-defying it is, with Brian somehow wedging his car in front of the swerving prison bus (thrown off-track by Mia), and causing the bus to flip over him with minimal damage to his own car. From news reports, we learn that – improbably – the resulting accident led to no fatalities, and the only prisoner unaccounted for is notorious street racer Dominic Toretto. Now Brian O’Conner, Mia Toretto, and Dominic are all fugitives, running from the law.

Next we see Brian and Mia, they’re driving into Rio Di Janeiro (that’s a long trip), entering a Brazilian favela. As they exit their car and walk further into the urban slums, they are slowly surrounded by gun-toting thugs. But then their old associate Vince (Matt Schulze) – remember him from The Fast and the Furious? – emerges and greets Mia with a hug. (Brian, he’s not as happy to see.) Vince is scheduled to arrive with them in Rio soon. Vince has changed a lot since the first movie. He’s matured a bit, is now married to a woman named Rosa, and has an infant boy. But what hasn’t changed is his love of high-speed robbery. He informs Brian and Mia of a high-end car theft that needs drivers and should be easy money. (Though given the set piece that follows, I’d be curious to see what Vince’s idea of difficult money is.) Meanwhile, Mia starts feeling ill, and because this is a movie, that’s a sure-fire sign she’s pregnant.

Brian and Mia reluctantly agree to the heist, which involves thieving some expensive cars from a train. Posing as tourists, they pick the pocket of a train conductor and gain access to the train car holding the vehicles. Meanwhile, Vince and the rest of his Brazilian crew drive a crazy Road-Warrior-esque truck alongside the train tracks. Brian discovers the cars are DEA seizures and starts to worry that this job may be harder than anticipated. Before he can fret too much, Vince and crew cut open the side of the car with acetylene torches and – surprise! – Dominic is with them. He hops into the train car with Vince and its hugs all around. Vince is first to take a car. He drives it out of the train car onto the flatbed of the truck running alongside the train, then is deposited onto the ground and drives off. A verbal altercation erupts between our heroes and Vince’s new guys, led by Zizi (Michael Irby), and Dom makes a quick decision to change the plans. Mia gets in the next car, and as soon as she’s on the ground, drives the other way. Zizi smells something fishy and begins to fight with Brian and Dominic. The heist goes haywire!

Dominic Toretto brings new meaning to the phrase, 'riding the rails.'

Dominic Toretto brings new meaning to the phrase, ‘riding the rails.’

The DEA (previously chilling in a passenger car) also realize they’re being robbed, so they rush to their seized cars. Brian leaps onto the flatbed truck and battles the dudes aboard, nearly losing his pretty face to a torch, while Dominic and Zizi battle it out in the train car. (At one point, Dom is hit in the back with a crowbar, but is largely unfazed.) The Road Warrior truck veers out of control (due to the battle on board) and drives straight into the side of the train, violently wedging into an empty (let’s say) car. Meanwhile, the DEA reaches the car storage section and are promptly shot to death by Zizi. While Zizi is getting his murder on, Dominic hops into the last remaining car in the train and drives it out the side of the train. Brian, trapped on a burning truck that’s stuck in a train and is about to be sheared off the train’s side by a rapidly approaching bridge, is in a bit of a tight spot. Luckily, his best bro Dominic pulls up in his silver bullet of a car. Brian leaps onto Dom’s car just before the bridge destroys the unfortunately placed truck. However, it’s out of the frying pan and into the fire: that bridge was there for a reason. Dom drives straight off a cliff. He and Brian leap from the car and plummet to the river below. Miraculously, they both survive the fall, but armed goons are waiting for them as they emerge on the riverbank.

Next we see our heroes, they’re dangling from chains in some sort of cartel dungeon. Corrupt Brazilian business magnate, Reyes (Joaquim de Almeida), arrives and wants to know but one thing: where is the car that Mia took? He leaves after making some vague threats, and, left alone with but two thugs, Brian and Dominic escape pretty handily. They reconnect with Mia at a designated safe house, but Vince has yet to arrive. Mia warns her two best guys that the DEA agents’ deaths are being blamed on them, which has taken their fugitive status up to public enemies numbers one and two. There’s no way the DEA is going to take it easy on them. And she’s right, because in the next scene, we see who the DEA has put in charge of hunting Brian and Dominic down: a hulking, heavily armed man named Hobbs (Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson) who arrives at a Brazilian airfield and starts barking orders like “make sure you’ve got your fun-derwear on” and “stay the fuck out of my way.” Most importantly, though, he warns his team to never, ever let the two fugitives get into cars.

Vince finally arrives at the safe house (way late), and Brian’s distrust of him grows. They realize there’s something in Mia’s car that Reyes wanted, but they can’t figure out what it is. In downtown Rio Di Janiero, Reyes lectures some random businessmen about his work in the favelas, comparing his efforts to the colonization of Brazil by the Portuguese (strangely, as if this would be endearing). In short, instead of brutalizing the favela populace, he brings them small gifts from a better life, which (in his mind) means they owe him for life. That night, Dominic walks in on Vince removing a microchip from the stolen car. Vince knew what the car had the whole time and wants to return it to Reyes to set things right. But Dominic, feeling the hot sting of betrayal, shouts at him to get out. Vince stabs back, accusing Dominic of ruining their “family” when he started listening to Brian: “Look at our family now! Where’s Letty, Dom? Where’s Letty?” Vince leaves, and our remaining heroes discover the microchip is, in fact, a delivery schedule for Reyes’s secret drug operations. But then they realize, it’s more than that. The quantities involved are way too big: this isn’t low-level distribution; the chip reveals where the dealers pick up their stashes.

Back with the DEA, Hobbs takes on a local rookie officer as a translator, Elena Neves. When she wonders why she was chosen, and not a more experienced officer, Hobbs notes that because her husband (a former officer himself) was killed by criminals in the favela, she is both extremely motivated and can’t be bought by the criminal underworld. (There’s that trademark F & F distrust of the law, even from a lawman.) Soon, the DEA uncover the location of Brian, Dominic, and Mia. But they’re beat to the punch by Reyes’s gang. Our heroes flee, leaping across favela rooftops, as the DEA and Reyes’s goons spray each other with bullets. The translator, Elena, finally catches Toretto, but as she’s calling him in, a thug shoots at her and Dominic quickly protects her from the gunfire. After jumping from some unlikely heights, Dominic, Mia, and Brian escape through a sewer culvert. That’s when Mia reveals to her boyfriend and brother that she’s pregnant. They have a heartfelt group hug and continue their escape.

Hobbs and Elena learn that 'this is Bra-ZILL!!!'

Hobbs and Elena learn that ‘this is Bra-ZILL!!!’

In the aftermath of the favela ambush, Elena finds the crucifix Dominic wears. She then expresses her doubts to Hobbs as the DEA combs the evacuated safe house. She doesn’t think O’Conner and Toretto killed the DEA agents; that’s not their M.O. Hobbs, who lives a more worry-free life, says that they’re just names on a list and she shouldn’t worry about whether they did it or not. The DEA discovers the abandoned (and vivisected) car is connected to a businessman named Reyes, and Elena informs them that Reyes alleged to be connected to nearly every shady dealing in the city. Hobbs orders his team to reassemble the car: the three fugitives took it apart for a reason, and he wants to know why.

While Mia sleeps, Brian and Dom discuss their daddy issues. Dominic’s dad held regular barbecues and helped Mia with her homework every night. But he was also killed in a car crash, so he wasn’t perfect. Conversely, Brian’s dad was entirely absent, and Brian worries about what kind of father he’ll be to his future child. Dominic realizes that the microchip could set them up for a final job that would score them enough money to disappear forever. This could be the perfect thing for Brian and Mia’s new family. However, if they’re going to go up against the most powerful man in Brazil, they’re going to need a team. (Yeah, they are!)

And so, a Fast & Furious all-stars edition is assembled in Rio Di Janiero. Returning to the F & F family are the ever-snacking Han (Sung Kang), Roman Pearce (Tyrese Gibson), Tej (Chris “Ludacris” Bridges), the Spanish-speaking duo of Leo and Santos, and Braga’s former henchwoman, Gisele (Gal Gadot). The convergence of all these fast and furious drivers leads to some hilarious interactions. I especially enjoyed when Roman asked Tej, “When you gonna’ give Martin Luther King his car back?” and when Roman and Dominic silently size each other up. (I couldn’t help think of the Seinfeld episode where George meets “the summer him.”) Brian and Dominic outline their ambitious Ocean’s 11 strike on Reyes’s operation. Roman is immediately spooked: “You bring us to another country so we can rob the dude who runs it?” But when he learns that there’s $100 million at stake, with a cut of $11 million each, he’s sold. Han wisely advises that as soon as they hit one of the locations, Reyes will triple protection at all the other locations. “Exactly,” Dominic cryptically intones.

The team raids the first drug production house, barging in with machine guns and rounding up all the workers. Once they’ve assembled all the people and money at the location, the team unmasks themselves and lights the pile of money on fire. “You tell your boss exactly who did this,” Dominic growls. The DEA, having reassembled the car, can’t figure out what was taken. (It seems to run fine.) Hobbs, disappointed in his team, simply turns on the dash computer and finds a computer error. They took some sort of computer hardware. When they receive word that one of Reyes’s properties was robbed, Hobbs and Elena are certain its their fugitives: “Who else would be stupid enough to rob Reyes?”

Reyes, falling right into the Furious team’s trap, hears about the destruction of the money and orders his crew to take all the money out of his properties and consolidate them in one vault. Toretto’s team, each member monitoring a different Reyes location, follow the money and realize, just as they expected, it is all being pooled in one location. The only trouble is, that one location is a police station! While most of the team worries their mission just got a whole lot more impossible, Dominic says it doesn’t change anything. They’re still doing the job.

Reyes arrives at the police station to check on his money, and at the same time orders the paid-off police to do a better job handling this Hobbs guy from the DEA. (The DEA killed sixteen of his men in the favela, so he’s unimpressed with their handling of the situation.) Our heroes need to do some reconnaissance on the police vault, so Roman, as the smoothest-talking of the bunch, tries to charm his way into the evidence room. It fails, but he is able to leave a banker’s box with evidence, which (unbeknownst to the police) contains a remote-control car mounted with a video camera. Tej knows a lot about safes (apparently), and worries about the quality of the vault inside the police station. But the plan is in action: Leo and Santos cause a sewage issue at the police station, then pose as maintenance workers to gain access to the police garage and cameras. As the team studies the garage, they realize they’re going to need cars that turn more quickly if they’re going to escape from the station without showing up on camera. And then we’re back to basics, with Brian and Dominic street racing for pink slips.

The team sets up a test track (similar to the police station garage), and then attempt to race the test track and not appear on any of the security cameras. (No easy feat!) When Han sees Gisele driving, he immediately falls in love. Still, no car seems fast enough. Han, Leo, and Santos find Tej a duplicate of the police safe to test on, which is a huge help, but Tej warns that they’ll still need Reyes’s palm print to open the safe. This looks like a job for Han, but Gisele volunteers to go along with him. (Does this look like a love connection, or what?) While stalking Reyes at one of his resorts, Gisele and Han get to talking (and we learn Han snacks so much because he quit smoking!). Gisele uses her feminine wiles (and bikini) to infiltrate Reyes’s inner circle and get a palm print from the man himself squarely on her bikini bottom. Mission: accomplished. But it’s not all sunshine and roses. Mia informs the team that the DEA tracked all of Toretto’s known associates coming into Brazil, and there are now warrants out for everyone. It’s time, Dominic realizes, to send Hobbs a message.

Dominic and friends begin partying in plain sight, hanging with the massive crowds at a street racing hub. Hobbs and his DEA team appear and pull guns on Toretto and crew. That’s when Dominic cockily informs Hobbs of his mistake: “Thinking you’re in America. You’re a long way from home. This is Bra-ZILLLL!!!!” (He shouts this like Alex Trebek over-pronouncing a non-English clue on Jeopardy!) Everyone in the crowd then pulls guns on the dozen or so DEA agents, and they reluctantly skulk away. Little do they know that electronics man Tej was hiding a tracker on Hobbs’s truck while all this was happening. When Elena returns to her home, Dominic is waiting for her. He throws her against the wall and takes the crucifix from her neck. Elena eventually realizes the crucifix must have belonged to someone important (Letty, obvi), and Dominic realizes Elena is one of the very few good cops (her husband died; she stays in the favela to make life better). They reach an understanding and, seeds of a romance planted, Dominic scurries off into the night.

Okay, back to the heist: Han doubts there’s any way they can drive fast enough to avoid notice in the police garage. “We need … invisible cars,” he sighs. This leads to an idea: Dominic, Brian, Han, and Roman break into the police parking lot and steal four police cruisers (which would be totally inconspicuous in a police parking garage). Unable to resist, they drag race the cop cars. Since – pending the successful operation of their heist – they’ll soon be millionaires, they race for a million-dollar quarter mile. (This series is a cautionary tale about inflation; they were happy with $2,000 in The Fast and the Furious.) O’Conner just barely squeaks by Dominic, and he’s so overjoyed that he’s finally beaten Dominic, it’s adorable. But Han and Roman are pretty sure Dom let off the throttle at the end. “He let you win,” they say.

Forget King Kong vs. Godzilla.

Forget King Kong vs. Godzilla.

Mia, shopping for supplies at the market, is ambushed by Vince (!). But not to worry: he’s actually saving her from some of Reyes’s thugs who have come looking for her. He brings Mia back to the safe house, and Dom welcomes him back to the family with a celebratory barbecue. During this barbecue, the crew talk about what they’ll do with the money – “So that’s your dream? To start a day job? That’s stupid.” – and the whole team learns Mia is expecting. But the good times are short-lived. They hear (from police-band radio) that Hobbs is on the other end of the city, so they think it’s their opportunity to start the heist. But it’s a trick, and Hobbs and the DEA show up in the crew’s staging ground when only Vince, Mia, Brian, and Dominic are on-site. (Apparently, Hobbs discovered the tracker and “flipped the receiver” – is that a thing?) A big man fight ensues with Dominic and Hobbs pounding on one another and tossing each other into walls. (It was impressive that a man The Rock’s size can do a kip-up.) Brian, Mia, and Vince are apprehended, and only Dom and Hobbs are left brawling. Dom gets the upper-hand on Hobbs and is just about to bash his skull in with a socket wrench when he stops short and surrenders. Our four heroes are arrested and tossed in the back of the DEA’s armoured van.

While transporting the fugitives, the DEA are ambushed by Reyes’s thugs, who have set up a trap for them in the favela. Hobbs and the DEA leave Elena with the fugitives in the truck and start firing automatic weapons into the buildings all around. However, gunfire and grenades kill Hobbs’s entire team. Injured by an explosion, Hobbs falls to the ground and Reyes’s men converge on him. That’s when the cavalry arrives: Elena has freed the fugitives and they find guns and start shooting the hell out of Reyes’s goons. Dominic offers Hobbs his hand and the following arm grab / handshake (shades of Arnold and Carl Weathers in Predator) is so meaty it’s nearly pornographic. They pull Hobbs back to the armoured van and escape the favela. Vince, however, wasn’t so lucky. He’s been shot in the stomach, and with his dying breath, tells Dominic, “You’ve gotta’ meet my son, Nico. We named him after you.”

After all the bloodshed, Dominic still wants to finish the job. But Reyes is on high-alert and heavily armed, so everyone else isn’t so keen. Hobbs is the first to volunteer for the job: he wants to ride with Toretto … at least until they nail Reyes. And soon, everyone is in. The job has changed, though: they lead a full frontal assault on the police station, smashing through walls and opening fire on police officers. (But I guess they’re corrupt police officers, right?) Dominic and Brian, the two most expert drivers, attach cables to the Reyes vault and literally pull it out of the wall and drive away with it thudding behind them. Soon, the entire police force is following that runaway vault. The following epic car chase is one of the more bonkers and destructive things committed to film since The Blues Brothers. (I kind of worry they just devastated part of Rio Di Janeiro and left it.)

Steering while attached to a massive vault (which is in turn being pulled by a second car) can be difficult, so Dominic and Brian end up destroying a few banks and the like while on their wild chase. Han and Roman, disguised as police officers in police cruisers, arrive and drive a few of the cop cars off the road, buying our heroes a little bit of time. But it isn’t long before more police arrive, as well as Reyes himself, being driven by his second-in-command, Zizi. Dominic and Brian realize there are too many police; they’ll never outrun them. Dominic cuts Brian’s cable loose, then turns around, driving straight into the onslaught of police cars. He weaves his muscle car around, turning the vault into some kind of monstrously heavy whip, totalling police cruisers left and right, at one point shearing off one’s roof. Just as he reaches close to Reyes’s car, Dominic leaps out and sends his car into a headlong collision.

Before driving, you want to make sure your trailer is properly attached.

Before driving, you want to make sure your trailer is properly attached.

As Dominic gets to his feet, a bloodied Zizi emerges with a gun. But he’s quickly shot down by Brian, who disobeyed Dominic’s orders to keep driving with the vault in order to help his best friend. (It’s what bros do, right?) Hobbs then rolls up in his armoured van, casually shoots dead Reyes, who had been writhing around on the road, and tells our two fugitives that they’ve earned twenty-four hours. They have to leave the safe of money there, but he’ll give them a day’s head start before he starts pursuing them again. “Toretto,” Hobbs says as Dominic departs, “I’ll see you soon.” “No you won’t,” he says, and flashes that 100-watt Vin Diesel smile.

Moments later, Hobbs takes a look at the vault and realizes it’s completely empty. A flashback reveals what happened. During that short window when police weren’t pursuing them (thanks to Han and Roman), they loaded the safe into a garbage truck (piloted by Gisele, Leo, and Santos), and replaced it with the duplicate safe that Tej was practicing on. Hobbs, realizing he’s been duped, can only chuckle. Back at another safe house, Tej successfully opens the safe and more money than anyone has ever seen before spills out.

The denouement that follows features the various team members spending their hard-stolen money. Leo and Santos hit the casino. Roman and Tej (who does open a garage) buy identical rare sports cars. Han and Gisele (now a couple) make out while driving through Europe (it’s on someone’s bucket list, I’m sure). Because he’s a mensch, Dominic leaves Vince’s widow Rosa a massive sum of money, and when we next see him, he’s at a secluded beach house with his new steady Elena, his very pregnant sister, and his sort-of-brother-in-law. Brian and Dominic talk about going for a race, and the credits roll – but we’re not done yet! In a post-credit sequence, customs agent Monica Fuentes (Eva Mendes), delivers a file to Hobbs in his office about a recent hijacking. “Toretto?” he asks. It’s not, but she insists he’ll be interested. He finds a surveillance photo of Letty, and Fuentes asks, “Do you believe in ghosts?” Which means there’s going to be a Fast & Furious 6, and it may or may not involved haunted cars.

Fast Five, with one of the most racially diverse Ocean's 11 in film history.

Fast Five, with one of the most racially diverse Ocean’s 11 in film history.

Takeaway points:

    • As the Fast Five team trained for their big heist, I came to the realization that in an action movie with at least a dozen principal characters, a very small percentage (two) are white. Fast Five features – without a doubt – the most diverse cast of any recent action movie, at least in terms of cultural background. (I’ll admit the series is extremely dude-heavy, and homosexuality doesn’t seem to exist in the Fast & Furious universe.) And it’s all overseen by a director of colour (Justin Lin, again). This aspect – that Fast & Furious movies are movies that reflect the cultural diversity of North America and/or the world – is something that the Fast & Furious movies don’t get a lot of credit for … or they’re only starting to get credit for. Compare how Joss Whedon’s projects are viewed (politically) to something like The Fast and the Furious. Yet take a look at the principal cast of The Avengers. Or even The upcoming Avengers : Age of Ultron. Aside from Samuel L. Jackson, you could use the same cast to remake The Believer.
    • The return of Han (Sung Kang), as well as his comment near the end to Gisele that he’ll get to Tokyo later, makes one wonder: when does Tokyo Drift happen? Since Han dies in Tokyo Drift, it must take place after Fast Five. But how many months or years after? Outlandish theory: could Sean Boswell be the future son of Mia Toretto and Brian O’Conner? Lucas Black looks like he could come from that genetic material, right? And Mr. Boswell could just be an older, beat-down-by-the-world Brian O’Conner. (He does like cars.) Han just ages well and obviously takes Sean under his wing because he’s his old friend’s son. (We never see Han and Mr. Boswell meet.) Tokyo doesn’t appear overly futuristic in the third movie (save the police officers’ uniforms), but I’m not ruling this out as a possibility. Either way, each movie that features Han is tinged with some sadness, as audiences know he is not long for this world.
    • Fast Five features the first direct metaphor of villain as colonizer. We’ve had villainous cartel leaders and villainous gangsters and even some villainous police, but I believe this is the first villainous respectable (to the uninformed) businessman. And that businessman explicitly cites the colonization of South America as his ideal business model. In his brief (and kind of out-of-nowhere) monologue, he posits (as many economists and political theorists have before) that capitalism and (even more controversially) philanthropy are the new colonialism. If this doesn’t beg for a post-colonial reading of Fast Five, I don’t know what does.
    • In Fast Five, we see how the distrust of police seen in every previous film has become active aggression against the police. The police officers in Fast Five are all under the thumb of Reyes, and so, audience members are meant to think nothing of our heroes firing machine guns at police officers or causing their brutal vehicular manslaughter. The film seems to suggest that this is indicative of life in Brazil (let’s remember Dominic’s announcement to Hobbs that he’s not in America anymore), but I think that’s (a) unfair to Brazil, and (b) too fair to the police forces in the United States. Nevertheless, the increased animosity towards legal authorities in Fast Five is in keeping with the series, and in keeping with its message that the bro code (as embodied by Dominic Toretto) is the only law that need be adhered to.
    • Two random thoughts that don’t really connect to anything larger: (1) I really thought Vince was going to betray the gang once he reappeared near the end. He just seemed so skeezy. I guess I should have known to trust Toretto’s judgment. (See above.) And (2) I couldn’t figure out why I suddenly loved Roman Pearce in Fast Five. I really resented him in 2 Fast 2 Furious, but I couldn’t get enough of him in Fast Five. Any explanations you readers can offer are much appreciated
    • More than anything, I love how the Fast & Furious movies are bringing walkie-talkies back. I haven’t seen this much good walkie-talkie banter since Smokey & the Bandit.

How fast?: Faster than a speeding locomotive, at the beginning. And let me put it this way: one of the key plot points of Fast Five is the team attempting to drive a car so fast that it doesn’t appear on any of a parking garage’s security cameras. So, faster than security camera’s frame rate. Is that fast enough for you?

How furious? Fast Five has some definite fury. The hand-to-hand combat between Dominic and Hobbs was extremely intense, but Dominic hesitates before killing Hobbs with a wrench, so he’s become better equipped to contain his fury, I suppose. That said, for the fifth film, they dropped the “furious” from the title, so the real focus is on speed.

Favourite car stunt: It’s not one stunt, but the final chase through the streets of Rio is a thing of destructive beauty. Like Kali, the Goddess of Destruction herself. I wasn’t sure they could top that train sequence, but I think they managed.

Most magical soundtrack cue: As the safe opens at the end of Fast Five, “Danza Kuduro,” by Don Omar (Leo himself!), starts playing over top the money reveal and the following financial misadventures of the various team members, and it’s a joyous end cap to a (mostly) successful bank job.

Unexpected cameo: I really didn’t expect to see Eva Mendes reappear in the Fast & Furious series.

Fashion plate Han Lue, enjoying a post-barbecue snack.

Fashion plate Han Lue, enjoying a post-barbecue snack.

Bechdel Test Moment: For the first time in Fast & Furious history, two women speak to one another, and not about men! At the very beginning, Mia and Vince’s wife Rosa talk about whether Mia is pregnant. The very following line of dialogue is about whether Mia has told Brian about the pregnancy, but I’m still going to count this as a sad little victory.

Line of dialogue that makes it clear we’re talking both about a car and the driver’s sexual organ(s): “That monster has never seen a set of tail lights, ever.” – Dominic, on his muscle car. (I don’t know what tail lights could mean in this context, but it sounds lewd.)

Best fashion moment: Though there’s no denying Roman Pearce looks good in his sharkskin suit at Fast Five‘s finale, Han Lue’s fashion game is the most adept of any of our driverly Ocean’s 11. The particular standout is his pink button-down shirt worn during the family barbecue.

Next up: Fast & Furious 6 (2013).

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